Home > Life, poetry > This is new.

This is new.

I don’t want to be afraid, but I am afraid. My biggest fear is the fear of things going wrong–of failing and crumbling. I hate this fear. The thing is, if you’re afraid to fail, you will probably never try anything interesting or meaningful in your life. The fear of failure can lock you into a comfortable, yet stagnant existence.

Since I hate this fear of failure, I battle it all the time. For good or bad, losing my brother at age 17 made think long and hard about the life I want to lead. I have little control over how long I’m here, so I want to experience and give all that I can. I don’t want to miss out. I want to see how far I can go.

Now, in 2015, I am tackling something I’ve never done before. With gentle prompting from my dear friend, Dennis, I’m releasing a haiku collection. This is a real book. I’ve held the proof in my hands. It has a front a back cover. It has a foreword, written by me. It has a bar code. It is blowing my mind.

I have loved to write since I was eight years old when I wrote my first short story. Throughout my childhood, I imagined my adult life as this: Studio apartment with hardwood floors and bare, paint-chipped walls. In one corner, a twin bed. In front of a window, with sun shining through would sit my desk, adorned with a typewriter and an aloe plant. I envisioned a life of coffee drinking and novel writing. That was my dream.

As time passed, my dream morphed into thoughts of journalism. I wanted to travel and talk with new people and always, always write. When I got to college, however, actually studying journalism seemed horribly boring. I would up studying comparative literature so I could dive into a world of language, art, theory, and sociopolitical culture, which eventually propelled me to social work.

I still always loved writing. I love the process more than the finished product, and maybe that’s why I never fully imagined publishing a book in my adult life until Dennis suggested it. Also, I thought when I did write a book, I would be in my 70s and it would be this hilarious, sardonic memoir. Certainly NOT my poetry, which is new in my writing life and not something that I feel 100% confident about. My heart froze when Dennis threw out the idea of releasing a book of my work. It scared me. I felt exposed in a way, like the experience would open me up to either criticism or perhaps worse, radio silence. Like I said though, I hate that fear of failure. I hate it a lot. So I said yes to Dennis.

It’s been a few months since I first said yes. Since then, I just approved the final proof and now it’s time to start getting the word out there. Outside of a resume or an admissions essay, I’ve never had to promote myself. There is a lot involved and Dennis is walking me through it. Fortunately, I have a posse of creative, industrious people in my life who are going to collaborate with me on a couple of promotional projects. New is scary, but sometimes scary is exciting.

If you’d like to the opportunity to receive a signed advance copy of my book, The Art of Service: A Collection of Haiku Poems, please sign up for the mailing list here: https://latattack.wordpress.com/the-art-of-service-haikus-for-change/

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