Home > Life > “We are a circle of love.”

“We are a circle of love.”

Last night, I had the privilege of attending my judo buddy’s wedding. The whole night radiated with warmth, humor, love, and loyalty. I think what helped set the tone of the evening was the ceremony itself. It was a Jewish ceremony, and at one point, the rabbi had the bride and groom walk symbolically around one other. This act was in part to represent the community that brought them together and will support them throughout their marriage. The rabbi asked the guests to sing throughout this moment, “We are a circle, circle, circle of love.” And so we did. It was both mesmerizing and comforting.

I’ve been thinking a lot about community lately, so it seemed timely for me to experience that ceremony. For seven years, I was in a relationship. For seven years, there was always someone there when I got home. There was always someone there to have with, to run boring errands with, and to do absolutely nothing with. At this point, I’ve been single for a  little over two years. When I first ended that relationship, I reveled in my renewed independence. After a few months, though, I mostly just felt alone. I had found some great friends in my new graduate program, but I know that I spent a lot of time isolating myself, convinced that I needed to “be on my own” to grow as person. Whatever that meant. All I know is that everything felt really fucking hard and I was sad and tired all the time.

Last year, it started to sink in that I wasn’t a hyper functioning robot. I started to let myself need my friends. Sometimes, I would ignore my pride and let my dad know when I felt like a huge mess. The more I included my family and friends in my life, the more they reached out to me.  Since my friends and I mostly live in the same neighborhood, we spent a lot of time accompanying each on unnecessary trips to the 24-hour supermarket and doing absolutely nothing together. It felt tremendously reassuring. When we graduated in May, a part of me was certain that my circle of friends would lose touch by the end of the summer as we moved forward with our lives. Instead of being 15 minutes away in my childhood home, my dad was going to move 45 minutes away. Sure, that’s not a significant geographic relocation, but it was psychologically comforting that I could go home with almost zero notice. I asked to have my graduation party in my dad’s backyard, which for me was the chance for me to say goodbye to that part of my life.

Now it’s December. I spent a part of the afternoon on the phone with my dad. After that, I returned spent six hours doing absolutely at my cousins’ house, which is  the same house I grew up in.  When I look at my key ring, I see the set of keys to my friend, Leslie’s apartment. My friend, Kenya, has a set a keys to my apartment. And until the leasing company changed the system over the weekend, I had the code to get into my friend, Silvi’s, building. I’m still single, and who knows when I’ll enter my next relationship. All I know is that I don’t feel alone. I’m in a circle, and the more I put into it, the bigger  it gets.

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Categories: Life Tags: , , ,
  1. Anat Sweeney
    December 17, 2012 at 13:56

    We were so happy that you were there to celebrate with us on our wedding day. Thanks for the kind words. We love

    • December 18, 2012 at 18:40

      It was an honor for me to be with you! You guys are the bestest. x0x0x0x0!

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