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Haikuesday 12.25.12

December 25, 2012 Leave a comment

Like the former champ,

my fam’ly is the greatest.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

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Categories: poetry Tags: , , ,

If I could start the laundry.

December 19, 2012 1 comment

It was so silly of me to think

that today of all days,

I would start the laundry when I got home,

that I would fold sheets

and tie socks in knots.

Isn’t there comfort in routine?

At the end of this day,

I’m sitting on the couch with my feet tucked beneath me,

since it’s cold, but I can’t bring myself to turn on the heat.

And I’m hungry, but I can’t bring myself to open the refrigerator.

I’m just sitting here,

waiting to see if I really believe all the things I told myself earlier.

I told myself things that would be comforting,

so today would feel routine,

and then I could start the laundry when I got home.

Categories: poetry Tags: , ,

Double Haikuesday 12.18.12

December 18, 2012 Leave a comment

The holiday cards

in my mailbox confirm that

my friends are awesome.

—————————————————————————————-

Over the weekend,

Chris and Anat got married.

May their life sparkle.

“We are a circle of love.”

December 16, 2012 2 comments

Last night, I had the privilege of attending my judo buddy’s wedding. The whole night radiated with warmth, humor, love, and loyalty. I think what helped set the tone of the evening was the ceremony itself. It was a Jewish ceremony, and at one point, the rabbi had the bride and groom walk symbolically around one other. This act was in part to represent the community that brought them together and will support them throughout their marriage. The rabbi asked the guests to sing throughout this moment, “We are a circle, circle, circle of love.” And so we did. It was both mesmerizing and comforting.

I’ve been thinking a lot about community lately, so it seemed timely for me to experience that ceremony. For seven years, I was in a relationship. For seven years, there was always someone there when I got home. There was always someone there to have with, to run boring errands with, and to do absolutely nothing with. At this point, I’ve been single for a  little over two years. When I first ended that relationship, I reveled in my renewed independence. After a few months, though, I mostly just felt alone. I had found some great friends in my new graduate program, but I know that I spent a lot of time isolating myself, convinced that I needed to “be on my own” to grow as person. Whatever that meant. All I know is that everything felt really fucking hard and I was sad and tired all the time.

Last year, it started to sink in that I wasn’t a hyper functioning robot. I started to let myself need my friends. Sometimes, I would ignore my pride and let my dad know when I felt like a huge mess. The more I included my family and friends in my life, the more they reached out to me.  Since my friends and I mostly live in the same neighborhood, we spent a lot of time accompanying each on unnecessary trips to the 24-hour supermarket and doing absolutely nothing together. It felt tremendously reassuring. When we graduated in May, a part of me was certain that my circle of friends would lose touch by the end of the summer as we moved forward with our lives. Instead of being 15 minutes away in my childhood home, my dad was going to move 45 minutes away. Sure, that’s not a significant geographic relocation, but it was psychologically comforting that I could go home with almost zero notice. I asked to have my graduation party in my dad’s backyard, which for me was the chance for me to say goodbye to that part of my life.

Now it’s December. I spent a part of the afternoon on the phone with my dad. After that, I returned spent six hours doing absolutely at my cousins’ house, which is  the same house I grew up in.  When I look at my key ring, I see the set of keys to my friend, Leslie’s apartment. My friend, Kenya, has a set a keys to my apartment. And until the leasing company changed the system over the weekend, I had the code to get into my friend, Silvi’s, building. I’m still single, and who knows when I’ll enter my next relationship. All I know is that I don’t feel alone. I’m in a circle, and the more I put into it, the bigger  it gets.

Categories: Life Tags: , , ,

Haikuesday 12.11.12

December 11, 2012 Leave a comment

Kenya came over,

which I didn’t expect, but

it was so welcome.

Categories: poetry Tags: ,

It goes on for hours.

December 8, 2012 1 comment

When I tried to write about it before,

it just seemed so base–

to talk about what was said in a text message.

This is how we communicate.

This is how we connect.

Even thought I can’t see your eyes,

and you don’t know that I’m sighing,

and it just goes on for hours.

Categories: poetry

Haikuesday 12.04.12

December 4, 2012 Leave a comment

There are certain days

where the only thing that works

is to run outside.

Categories: poetry Tags: , ,