Home > Judo > Judo can make you cry.

Judo can make you cry.

Sometimes, I forget that I have deep, serious feelings for judo. This lapse of appreciation can happen when I’m in the routine of training and judo starts to feels like my second job. I also forget how much I love judo during times like now, when I’m out of shape and overweight. Then, training just reminds me that for several months, I implemented zero discipline and now my body has to pay for it.

Tonight, however, I remembered my deep, serious feelings for judo for two different reasons. First, judo was pissing me off tonight. I could feel myself losing my patience, losing my sense of calm, and losing my sense of control. At one point, I was just pure rage. I had no conscious thoughts. I could feel how angry I was in fingers and behind my eyes.  I used to get that way when I was kid–just transform into a total ungracious monster. Now, on one hand, I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t want to be un-sportsman like. But really, when I noticed that I felt that hyped just in practice, I remembered that I care about judo. A lot.

In the second instance, we simply went to bow out at the end of class. Our sensei emeritus asked to say one thing before we left the mat. He told us that  today was his birthday. He shared that 45 years ago during the last week of November, he started judo, so today he turned 45 years old. Our sensei emeritus hasn’t come in to the club for a long time, which he acknowledged. He told us, though, that he came in tonight because he wanted to spend his judo birthday with us. I was smiling–I know that. But at the same time, I could feel tears welling up and I came close to sobbing. Before he started speaking, all I could think about was how angry I was. It was like his words took me by the shoulders and gave me a good shake. You can’t let your own anger and frustration consume you on the mat. If that happens, you don’t get to spend 45 years with judo.

Judo hurts sometimes, but most lessons worth learning cause some pain. If I find myself near tears on the mat again, I hope I remember how badly I want to see my own 45th judo birthday.

Categories: Judo Tags: , ,
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  1. December 25, 2012 at 11:10

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