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Archive for January, 2012

Haikuesday 01.31.12

January 31, 2012 Leave a comment

This morning’s anger

Required a friend tonight.

Things aren’t so bad.

Categories: Friends, poetry

The long march home.

January 27, 2012 Leave a comment

I went bounding up the steps from platform to street,

determined not to let the night’s defeat gain more ground than it deserved.

I adjusted my gear with head held high,

marching back to my cave, thinking all the way

that even the most stoic of warriors may require

an occasional welcome from a late night conversation, an easy touch,

and an honest attempt at mutual understanding

forged gently by the conviction of tenderness and reassurance.

Categories: poetry

To breathe and to see.

January 27, 2012 Leave a comment

It’s so hard to distinguish

between patience and inaction,

to determine if waiting results

in a missed opportunity.

Or if taking a moment’s pause

to breathe and to see

is just as much living

as charging forth through uncertain means

to an inevitable end.

Categories: Life, poetry

Haikuesday 01.24.12

January 24, 2012 1 comment

1.

My heart hurts worse than

my bad thumb as I question:

Can I do this job?

2.

I know we look small,

but we charge through cold darkness

And you can’t stop us.

Categories: poetry

Slow build.

January 22, 2012 1 comment

I liked the feeling,

which was like putting on a long-loved, long-lost sweater.

And as the discovery of such comfort,

such reassurance unfolded,

I realized this was better than holding one’s breath,

waiting for fireworks,

which vanish as quickly as they appear.

Categories: poetry

Attitude = outcome.

January 17, 2012 Leave a comment

As I left judo practice last night, I thought to myself, “Practice was OK.” The more I thought about it, the more I began to think that I actually had a bad night. When I left training tonight, however, I thought, “Tonight was a really good night.” So what determines whether I have a good or bad practice? Well, I make that determination.

Last night I went to judo on auto pilot. I’ve gone to practice six billion times feeling tired or not in the judo mindset. At times, I’ve gone in with a combination of both. Within in minutes of stepping on the mat, I make myself snap out of it and all I have for the next two to three hours. At practice last night, I don’t think I pushed myself. I had a good first hour of class, and then when randori came around, I went back to auto pilot. My fighting spirit had checked out and I just let it go. When it came time for mat work, I knew I was sucking, but I didn’t rally so that I sucked less. By the time I got home, I was pretty disappointed in myself.

When I left work tonight to head to jiu jitsu and Kata, I was definitely on auto-pilot. Then I remembered how unsatisfied I was with the night before. Tuesday is rough for me since BJJ and Kata are so mentally taxing. But I reminded myself that Tuesday is my night to really challenge myself and learn. I found myself walking a strange line of feeling relaxed and excited to work hard. From an outsiders perspective, it might have looked like I did not have great BJJ or Kata practices. I didn’t pick anything up immediately and had to do extra reps of every technique just to get an inkling of the basic mechanics. Still, I left feeling satisfied with the night and looking forward to my next class. I know this is because I remained engaged.

Learning is not a passive action. I can’t expect to progress if I don’t offer more than the bare minimum. Although I might not have mastered any technique tonight, I have a lot of reflecting to do and some mechanical questions to work through. This is significantly more than last night, when I left just feeling blank and out of sorts. As I move forward with both my social work and grappling practices, I must remember that my work has to come with right attitude. Otherwise, I’ll get stuck on auto-pilot.

Haikuesday 01.17.12

January 17, 2012 1 comment

I’m delayed to note

the new year, but it’s now that

things got exciting.

Categories: poetry, Uncategorized