Home > Challenges, Family, Friends, Life, passion > Sacrifices and Deathbeds.

Sacrifices and Deathbeds.

Whenever some asks how many times a week I go to judo practice, they are often a little taken aback when I respond that I go at least five times a week. I like to joke, “Well, I have no social life, so why not go to practice? What else would I be doing, anyway?”

This is kind of a lie. I actually have friends, believe it or not. Sometimes, they call me and ask to hang out. And what do I say? “I can’t. I have practice.” So…maybe I don’t have a social life because I go to practice and not the other way around. Really, this is a choice that I made, and I make it over and over again. When I fell in love with judo as an adult, I resolved that I would give it everything I had.  This means that I make certain sacrifices for judo, which mainly involve spending money I don’t really have on dues and gym memberships and giving up my free time just so I can stick with judo.

But am I making the right sacrifices?

After my brother died, I came to certain conclusions about life and how I wanted to live my own. One thing I decided was that I was going to try my hardest to do everything I want to do and make sure I believe in the choices that I’ve made, regardless of whether or not they turn out to be a mistake. I never wanted to be in my 80s and think, “What the hell did I do with all those years?” Also, if I go down in fiery plane crash, I want to like the life that flashes before my eyes. Another decision I made was that I was going to always let the people in my life whom I love know how much they mean to me and that I would really be there for them.

I have been incredibly happy with the time and energy I’ve devoted to judo and all the extra work that goes into it. It fits in with the first decision I mentioned. As far as the second, I have little moments where I wonder if occasionally I should skip practice to spend time with my friends. What if that’s the deathbed regret that I have–that I put so much into judo that I missed out on time with the people I love?

Of course, you could say that my friends and family who really know me and love me will understand my need to go to train and compete. But I do worry that my commitment could turn into selfishness and an inability to compromise. I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I’m in a new relationship and I’m a little worried about the approaching school year. I can barely manage my time between school and judo, so I’m anxious about how well I’ll be able to make time for this new person in my life because I think he’s worth it.

I guess my main problem is that I want to have it all. That includes not having any regrets about the choice I make.

 

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