Home > conversations, Family > The joy of conversation.

The joy of conversation.

My dad is the strangest person I know. I guess we might all feel a little perplexed by our parents from time to time; sure, we can predict their behavior, but the motivation behind it? It’s anyone’s guess. Children can only know their parents so well.

My dad is not a big talker. He will only talk at length about the Philadelphia Eagles and judo, particularly uchi mata, which is his answer to everything in judo. This annoys me. (See https://latattack.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/learning-to-love-the-things-you-hate/). Otherwise, he fits the “strong silent” category. I think because he does not talk much, the conversations his does choose to have are of either grave importance or incredibly weird. At least from my perspective.

Some excerpts of this weekend’s conversation:

[Premise: My dad has just told me that he’s trying to eat healthy again and is mainly eating vegetables and no meat, just fish sometimes. I begin giving him unsolicited diet tips. Keep in mind that he is a 50+ year old bachelor with culinary skills encompassing boiling hot dogs, grilling steaks, and ordering pizza.]

Me: Well, if you really want to lose weight, you need to cut out those bagels in the morning. They have a ton of calories, and they’re not efficient carbohydrates. And you put so much butter on them, too. You should switch to oatmeal.

Mr. Latimer: But doesn’t oatmeal take a long time to make? I would eat it if it just came in little packets.

Me: Like instant oatmeal? Have you been to a supermarket in the last 20 years?

ML: Oh, they have it in little packets? I’ll have to look for it.

Me: Just get the plain kind. The stuff that’s like brown sugar and maple and all that other stuff has a lot of sugar. If you need to sweeten it, you can just put Splenda in it. You can put your dried cranberries in too, if you want. Just no more bagels.

ML: OK. I’ll look into it. (Slightly anxious) But how long does it take?

Me: Like 2 minutes.

ML: (Audibly calmer) Oh, OK.

————-

Me: Since you know how to make chili, you could make a batch of vegetarian chili.

ML: What do I put in it?

Me: Just make it the same way you always do just put more vegetables in.

ML: What kind of vegetables? You’ll have to give me recipe.

Me: Whatever kind you like. Bell peppers. Green beans. Carrots. I don’t know.

ML: Carrots?

Me: Sure, carrots. Or not.

ML: Carrots? I can buy, like, other beans in the store, right? They have, like, black beans in cans and stuff, right?

Me: Yeah, but you can still use kidney beans in.

ML: Yeah, but I want other beans in there. And meat, too?

Me: Well, then it’s not a vegetarian chili.

ML: Maybe a little bit of meat.

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Categories: conversations, Family
  1. June 9, 2011 at 09:43

    LMAO –
    ML: Yeah, but I want other beans in there. And meat, too?

    Me: Well, then it’s not a vegetarian chili.

    ML: Maybe a little bit of meat.

    • June 10, 2011 at 01:55

      Eric, I will make sure to introduce you to my dad so he can invite you over for his meaty vegetarian chili.

  2. June 9, 2011 at 10:28

    aw

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