I keep a light heart
when days weigh hard and heavy
so that I don’t sink.
I am looking hard
to my find root strength and will.
I won’t falter now.
Dear brothers, I love you
in all your incarnations:
the clown, the sage, the mosquito, the coach.
Though you could play the dragon,
that was just a test–
a test to see if I would fight back.
I need you, dear brothers,
for I am still small sometimes
and may need a boost over the wall,
or a hand at the top of the hill.
Your bravery radiates and ripples
in your presence and your absence,
and I look to you now
because I need to know.
I need you to tell me
what you think I should do.
I’ve come to find
that I like the fear.
I like the feeling
of doubt escalating
and imagining the tongue-lashing
and finite disappointment
which accompanies negligence and missteps.
I like the fear of failure.
It’s what forces me to pull my shoulders back,
look my mistakes in the eye,
and boldly declare that I don’t know what I’m doing.
I will be wrong,
but I will not hide.
It happens to be
that just one ice cream sandwich
is never enough.